Parenting Through Stressful Times and Distressing News Cycles
By Brittany Acciavatti
No matter who you are or what you believe in, one truth we can all agree on is this: distressing news is circulating at an all-time high. Holding the devastation of the world is a heavy burden to bear, especially when we are responsible for raising little people. We don’t want their days filled with doom and gloom at every turn. We don’t want them to watch the creases of our worry lines get deeper by the day. We can’t deny our world’s realities, and yet we can’t press pause on parenting until the latest tragedy blows over.
So, what can we do? When I’m in a state of helplessness, I like to find one small way to help. There is always an action to be taken no matter how impossible a situation seems. One donation made. One letter written. One care package delivered. One intention or prayer sent. One random act of kindness done for stranger, a neighbor, a friend, or even someone in your own home. In a culture of “never enough” or “bigger is better”, we often underestimate the power of small acts. But the ripples started at home have the potential to reach far beyond our own little corner of the world.
Take a Movement Break
And may I suggest putting the phone down and keeping it there? Because it’s time to regulate your nervous system. There are a myriad of ways to do this (you can google them before parting with your phone). You might try grounding, a breathing exercise like alternate nostril breathing, walking, running, or maybe you take a moment to jump up and down with your kids and shake everything out. Head, arms, body, legs. Yell, do some lip trills where you blow air through your lips like a horse. Move that pent up or stagnant energy up and out. And then pause and feel your feet being supported by the ground. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Feel your heart beating. The feeling you have right now cannot be achieved by picking up your phone. Though scrolling gives us the feeling of connection and the notion that we’re staying informed, it also serves to create a lot of despair and despondency.
Focus on Noticing
Now that we’re grounded and present, notice your children’s eyes. Notice the upward turn of their grins. Watch in wonder their sweet little faces as they talk to you. Let it instill gratitude, for this moment. For the eyes that work with our brain to form and reveal these beautiful images we get to admire and adore. That, itself is some kind of miracle we take for granted.
Give Yourself Some Grace
Give yourself grace during tough times. And offer it to your children as well. Not one of us is perfect, and we can’t expect ourselves to be. Let your body relax and soften into forgiveness and compassion. Remind yourself often that you are good enough; you are doing your best. Remember there are always solutions. Maybe not the ones we were hoping for, but there are doors to walk through in that wall you feel up against, even in the bleakest of times.
Connect with Your Community
Reach out to friends, to your community. Someone will take your hand and hold it, and someday you’ll do the same for another. Find a quiet moment in your day, however brief, to relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw, close your eyes, and breathe. Ask for help. This is a very challenging one for a lot of us, but I assure you, we are stronger together, and none of us can do the hard thing alone.
Find Simple Activities to Do with Your Kids
Do something special with each kid. Think SIMPLE. My oldest daughter and I just started our own classics book club. We’re reading Little Women on our own and then finding a half hour each week to have tea and chat about it. Shoot some hoops with your kids. Do a simple craft with another. Maybe you just sit and paint together for twenty minutes. No agenda, no expectation. Practice not trying to constantly be productive and tick all the boxes. Maybe you can’t muster anything by snuggling on the couch. That counts. Your kids want you, proximity to you, your physical and emotional warmth, your eyes on theirs. Let them talk without trying to fix. Give them space to work out their own thoughts and emotions. Offer advice when they ask for it. When you find yourself exceedingly worried about them or the current events of the world, repeat this phrase: I know what my anxiety is focused on, but what are the victories I see here?
Look for the Helpers and the Light
There are always helpers to look for; there is always heart in the face of hardship. We develop this strong inner fortitude by taking care of ourselves and each other. Notice what brings you joy, happiness, or a laugh each day. Even if it’s just one giggle, one small gesture of kindness. Write it down, say it out loud and share it with your kids. Ask them about their one good thing. No matter what the crisis is happening around us or to us, we must never lose hope. Even if you must let hope be a dim glow for a while; don’t extinguish it. That light will grow again. Hold it gently, just don’t let it go.
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